WHAT IF?

Dear Lord~

     I was too busy this morning.  For a little while I let myself forget You were holding my hand.  I went back into that old habit of thinking I had to do it all myself.  I even went so far as to tell John, “I’m not up to this.  A few years ago, I was, but not anymore!  And I shouldn’t be complaining because you’re the one having to learn how to use that scooter and you’re not complaining.”

     I know You watched me running around, trying to get everything done so we could be out of here on time for worship, Lord.  You saw more than my body’s busyness though.  You saw my mind’s working through all the “WHAT IF’S?” 

   

    “What if John falls somehow riding in that scooter up or down from the van lift?”  I can do little more than try to guide him, stand by, and watch.  My kids have said I’ll be squashed under him if I try to prevent his falling if it should occur, but Lord, You know I could not just stand by watching it happen!  We’re each learning something new that neither of us is crazy over having to learn.  Hopefully his sore knee will heal and he will be back to walking before many days.

    “Even though it’s for a lifetime, what if the guys at the AF gate decide my ID card is not satisfactory?”  Since he will be with me, I guess this time they’ll accept John’s, but Lord, You know they made John get a new one earlier and I’m his dependent.  And, Lord, You know, this morning we have the additional time crunch of getting to housing on time to pick up our young airman friend.  He’ll be expecting us and then we need to get to the church building on time. 

    “Lord, what if I can’t find a proper place to park our big E-250 handicap van where the lift can be lowered so he has ease of getting out, then back into the van?”  It’s Sunday and You know the Olive Garden parking lot will be busy following morning worship, but that’s where John wants to go for lunch.

    Dear Lord, take my hand.  I cannot do this!  I don’t want to do this!  I don’t like what’s happening!  Why am I so rebellious?  “Oh, ye of little faith” comes to mind, and yet I know I have tremendous faith…in YOU, not in me!

    Well, Lord, once again, it was You and me, wasn’t it?  Thank You for the gentle reminders.

     From having hurt his knee and being forced to use the scooter these past few days, John is getting more proficient in scooting around!  He actually did better with it today than he has since he has owned it.  As a result, I feel more comfortable being the stand-by observer of his ups and downs.  I still have a ways to go, but thank You for helping him and for giving each of us more confidence in his abilities.

     By the time I got to the gate at the AF base this morning, the gate guard didn’t have the usual scanner, simply looked at my ID, and wished me a good day as he waved me through.  I guess You wore a kind of sweet, while at the same time, a rather sad smile as You saw me realize I had spent all that energy on worrying for nothing, right?   I didn’t miss the reminder.

    When we got to Olive Garden, there was not a parking space available for our handicap van, but I should have known You planned ahead, Lord.  Right across from the entry door there were those three empty take-out parking spaces.  All I had to do was pull up across all three, pull on that parking brake, put on the flashers, let John start the door-opener/lift-lowering paraphernalia, hop out so I could guide him as he lowered himself in the scooter, then watch him and our young airman friend head off to find us a place inside!  Following that I know You were watching as I simply found a normal parking space.  I made sure there was nothing I would be likely to back into on my way out!  (More useless worry, or “just planning ahead,” as I like to say?)

    Just the young airman and I made the return trip to his base.  You saw me relaxing, knowing I knew the guard would have no problem letting me on since I had an active duty military man with me, but my surprise came when I showed my ID.  The young man looked for the bar code on which to use his scanner.  Mine, while not that old, was made before they instituted bar codes on the Ids.  He carefully looked at it, then held it over his shoulder to a companion guard, said something about its being “old school,” and passed it back to me with a smile as he waved me on through.  I smiled back and said, “That’s because I’m old.”   Did that help make his day just a little more pleasant, Lord?  I hope so because You know I love to see twinkles in the eyes of people over something I say or do.  I really want Your love to show through me.  Thank You for seeing who I want to be instead of who I am sometimes, Lord.  Thank You for never being too busy.  Please help me to learn to be more like You.

Goodnight, Lord.  Thank You for a wonderful day.

M. Sue       8-21-2011